- Dec 18, 2022
- 4 min read

CELEBRATING BIRTHDAYS AFTER LOSS

How do we continue to celebrate a loved one’s birthday after they are no longer here? All that's left is the constant reminder of their absence. Do we choose to honor them in private or invite others to share in their remembrance? As my son's day approached, December 14, it became especially difficult. And I know that I am not alone in this.

Over these last 10 months, I have learned and am learning of ways to honor and celebrate my son Josh, and I share with you tools you can also adopt and use to honor your loved ones who have passed.

We can keep their memory alive. And still include them in the celebration.

As this day increasingly drew closer for me, heaviness took hold of my heart and soul. Dread sometimes overwhelmed and consumed me if I let it. And still does. But I fight it. And I took time to think about past birthdays. What did we do? How did he want to celebrate?

We must find the courage to face this day and make a plan. Start with reflecting on how your loved ones would want you to remember them. And embrace this opportunity to honor their life in a special way.

Birthdays are celebrations full with excitement and anticipation; good food, gifts, and time with family and friends. Here are some ways I discovered in my research that inspire me. May you find comfort, hope and peace in entering this day, the day they were born, and honor them in the best possible way you can.

1. Celebrate Their Way

Cook their favorite meal, go to their favorite restaurant, or enjoy their favorite (or genre) movie in their memory. And don't forget to have their favorite dessert and drink!

2. Donate in Their Memory or Volunteer and Serve

Make a contribution in their name. Was there an organization or charity, a special cause they supported and/or felt passionate for? A memorial gift donation continues their legacy. You can also choose to volunteer and serve where they did or in ways similar to how they would have invested their time and energy in making a difference in the community and our world.

3. A Time Away

Take a day or however long you need away from day to day. Create and plan an environment to heal. An escape, sometimes it helps to go far to feel close. You can choose to go alone or surround yourself by those you know support your journey and are a sense of comfort for you.

4. Write a Letter

Share with your loved one a recent life update, a milestone you met, a moment that made you smile or cry, even a decision or question that has been on your mind. Simply write and pour yourself out on paper. When a pen meets paper it can bring out the words we want to speak and keep inside or never knew we needed to say them at all. I have personally done this with my son. You can read my letter at the end of this post.

5. Plant Trees

Memorial trees can be planted and serve as a lasting, meaningful tribute in honor of their life. See suggestions at the end of post for a list of organizations to choose from.

6. Plan a Visit to the Cemetery or Memorial

Visit their gravesite or special memorial place. Going on their Birthday can offer you comfort and peace as you celebrate and reflect on the life they gave the world. Unfortunately, on this first year for me I wasn't able to visit. But I am hoping I can still before the weekend is over! It's been snowing and freezing temperatures in Illinois. UPDATE: I did make it yesterday! You can read more in my letter to my son.

7. Lighting a Candle

The glowing warmth of a candle can be a perfect way to celebrate the impression our loved ones left on our lives. Placing a heirloom or a well cared for object of theirs, a handwritten note, or a photo beside the candle can help us remember their light.

8. Balloon Release

I did consider doing this one activity. But struggled with the idea because of the environment hazard. Perhaps there are eco-friendly balloons. If you know of any please share in comments below! The idea is to purchase balloons and release them into the sky in remembrance of our loved one. For myself I thought to get 23 balloons to signify the 23 years of his life. And then release with those he loved and is loved by.

JOSH'S FIRST BIRTHDAY YEAR

Below are photos from our first year celebrating my son, Josh's Birthday without him. I chose to continue with the tradition of how he always enjoyed it. We had his favorite pizza, drink, and ice cream cake. Followed by Avatar 1 as we planned to then carry it into the weekend by going to the theaters to watch the NEW Avatar joined by his friends. Spending this time just as he would have, really helped us get through it and did bring him into our celebration.

I hope that my sharing will encourage you in thinking about the ways your loved one can still be celebrated and remembered on their special day. After all... the day they were born is the day our world received a gift unlike any other. For the way I see it... there's no one else like my son Josh and there will never be. He is one of a kind. As is your loved one and each of us. We are all one of a kind. Wherever you are in your journey, wherever you find yourself now... the best way to celebrate them, is to truly celebrate living.

Happy Heavenly Birthday!