- Dec 2, 2022
- 4 min read

THE DAY OF THANKSGIVING

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

A week ago was Thanksgiving.

I didn't know how I would get through the first holiday of this season... but, I made it! I am making it through! I actually did it. God's grace is sufficient. God's strength is evident in my weakness. In my mourning, just as Jesus spoke; I am blessed with comfort.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

In my soul there's an overflow of peace and love. And because of the hope of heaven and promise of eternity, although I grieve, I learn to even do that well... grieve... only because Jesus walks with me and as I daily choose to surrender, in whatever state I am in... knowing I am fully loved. I am fully accepted. I am fully understood...and fully known. He meets me where I am just as I am.

Can I say I am thankful for my greatest loss? Does Jesus want me to praise Him for my son's death in this life?

I absolutely don't believe He does!

But I do know to praise Him despite it and thank God for Josh's life! 23 years I had, the world had, with my son! I thank God for saving him and giving him eternity and heaven! For bringing so much good out of my tragedy, out of this loss! And for those I still have with me today... to love, to care for, and to serve, cherish, grow with, learn from, to build and rebuild with, to walk and create with... to live life with... no matter what this life brings, and has brought, He (Jesus) remains. Jesus helps me through it.

So on Thanksgiving day, I surrendered. I surrendered to the experience and the outcome. I trusted God to not only order my steps but to direct it, one by one.

I had recently remembered an idea we, as a family, had...to have a pie buffet. This become the one thing for me; if nothing else, if I manage to start this tradition then I have victory! So I set out on a mission. I had three pies by Wednesday night; a pumpkin pie, coconut creme pie, and pecan pie...all I needed was at the very least three more. Including one of Josh's favorite, "banana creme pie."

I left for the market, the only one I knew of that was still open day on the holiday; Jewel Osco. I had gone to the same store in town and failed to find banana creme pie the day before. This time I decided to check the other branch store in St Charles.

On entering the store, the first display I saw were pies. All but his. Then I moved all the surface pies and hidden beneath was the only one pie left...his banana creme!

I felt as if that single pie was there waiting just for me.

While I was at the store, back at home, my husband assisted my youngest for the first time in preparing the turkey. Gabriel unpacked and seasoned his very first turkey.

Once I arrived (after praying in the car) I was ready to get a special dinner prepped and started.

Unplanned. No communication. Only quiet anticipation and silence did my husband and I make dinner.We worked seamlessly. My only goal was to make this day a day for both my husband and Gabe.

We managed to prep and cook at the very least seven food items just for the three of us! Turkey, mashed potatoes, french green beans, stuffing, arroz con gandules, macaroni salad, cranberry sauce and vegan meatless item just for me.

At a point in time, while the food sat on our stove cooking I sat for a small break...and began to cry. My husband immediately, whether or not he initially noticed, he comforted me. He stood beside me and put his arm around me. Gently rubbing my back and shoulders as tears ran down my face.

I missed my son, Josh. I miss him even as I share this with you now.

I sat for that moment reminiscent of past times shared with Josh.

How I miss his presence. His energy. His essence. Everything that makes him, him. As we sat for dinner I made certain to talk about him. I asked a question about what would he have chosen to eat tonight? Surely he'd skip arroz con gandules! But for sure he'd go for dessert.. and some mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, MAYBE turkey...

So yes... even in my sorrow as it continues with each passing day and moments spread out during my days, I still find joy and see God's goodness. My heart breaks but yet is continually put back together and made whole. And although I may not have all the right words or ways to explain any of this... I know it to be my truth, His truth for my life.

May my story bring hope to you as you see me walking this journey. Please share your stories and journey with me as well.

Thank you for reading.